About birds and bees

“Mummy, what are they doing?”

What was that your kid just asked you? Before you panic and stammer out an incoherent answer, here are tips on how to reply to questions about the birds and the bees.


*What is F***?
Tell him that it is a rude word that some people use to show how shocked they are about something. However, it has a bad meaning that hurts and disrespects people who are on the receiving end of it. It’s like spitting – an ugly behaviour that makes you really uncool.

*Where do babies come from?
Depending on the age of your child, first determine what he really wants to know before you launch into a biology lesson. For primary school children, your answer may take the form of “when a husband and wife show how much they love each other, sometimes they hug without clothes on and a tiny cell, called sperm, from the husband’s private part swims into his wife’s womb and comes together with one of her eggs. Together, these two cells will grow into a baby. The baby grows inside the mum’s womb until it’s ready to be born”.

*Why did that man on TV smack the lady’s backside?
Depending on the context, deflects this question with humour and explain that they are playing a game of tag. Otherwise, dismiss it as a disrespectful smack that should not be condoned because it embarrasses others in public.

*Why are those people on TV hiding under the blanket?
Again, for very young kids, dismiss it as a game of hide and seek that the actors are playing. With older kids, explain that it is a private moment where adults are cuddling. Change channels if you feel that the show you are watching may not be appropriate for your child.

*Will you get a baby from kissing?
No. kissing is about showing love and affection – just like getting a cuddle when you feel you need some assurance and care. You may then proceed to explain where babies come from if they persist in the question.

*Why do you sometimes close the bedroom door?
This is because Mummy and Daddy want to have some time to ourselves. We need to be quiet together and would prefer that you kids stay out and let us have some private moments to rest.

*Why do boys have a “birdie” and girls don’t?
Teach them the right term here. A p**** helps a boy to pee and when he grows into a much older boy, he will pass a liquid which helps make babies. Girls are different from boys, they have one opening (called urethra) that allows urine to come out and another opening (called v*****) that allows babies to be born.

Nothing But The Best

It’s a competitive world we live in, and by the time your child is five or six years old, he’ll probably enjoy taking part in competitions. Whether it is a swimming gala, the school sport’s day, or a class test, he’ll want to be the best. The thrill of the challenge can motivate him to try harder. And if he is successful, his self-esteem increases, his peers will think highly of him, and you and your spouse will likely shower him with praises and accolades.

But life doesn’t always go according to plan – the downside of competition among kids is that there will always be more losers than winners, and your six-year-old could struggle to cope with failure. When it comes to being competitive, it is sometimes hard to know how much is too much. You don’t want to discourage him from competition because you know he enjoys it and often learns from the experience, yet you are anxious about his reaction should that valued first place elude him.

A balanced approach

The potential benefits of succeeding in competitive activities include honing your child’s desire to win. He wants to take part, despite the pitfalls. However, he needs your help to ensure that winning does not become all that matters to him. Of course you want your six-year-old to succeed, and of course you want him to be the best. But you certainly don’t want his self-esteem to suffer every time he does not come out on top.

That’s why a balanced approach to competition is usually most effective. By all means encourage him to take part (in many instances, such as school examinations, he doesn’t have a choice) and to give his best, but point out that you will think highly of him regardless of the outcome. Your child needs to feel that your love for him doesn’t depend on his performance in competitions.

Explain to him that you are delighted, for example, when he graduates to the next level in his music class or when he tops the class in an educational assignment. Let him know that you value his competitive achievements, both major and minor. At the same time, let him know that you value his efforts as well, even when that effort does not gain him the top spot. In other words, he needs to know that you are pleased with him for trying his best to excel in a competitive environment. What matters is that he prepared well and put in the effort.

Emphasise his good traits

Also point out to your child that he has many other desirable qualities that makes him likeable and popular. For instance, he is kind to his sister, cares for his friends and helps you around the house. This ensures that he realises that personal characteristics matter, and that life is not just about winning top spot in competitions. It is all too easy for your vulnerable five-year-old to forget this and think that winning is all-important.

Lastly, talk to him when he feels miserable about not winning in a swimming competition with his friends or failing to ace the latest test at school. Almost certainly, he will tell you that he is upset at having lost and that he is always happier when he succeeds. Remind him that he is not alone, and that all his friends experience the same emotions when they lose.

Reassuring your child will encourage him to remain competitive – which is good in a challenging world – while also ensuring that he is able to cope well with the highs and lows of living life in the fast lane.